My Portrait of Life

I found my answer to my problem. All this time I keep on asking God why I'm here for, is there a purpose, why I endure this and that. I've been looking up at the signs and hints every where which only trims down to 1 simple word....and that word is Life.

Life is like a very general thing, it could mean anything. And I can sometimes get impatient when it comes to waiting. But now it has been pin pointed down to a clearer definition now thanks to a special person who has help me alot. After hearing her inspiration story of her life, I finally understand it. I finally found the answer....I just need to keep at it.

Here's what I learn, each of us are created very differently even though some of us are related, siblings or twins. Each of our life is a different concept of a story, a very different portrait. You just need to explore yourself and picture it out what it is.You're probably thinking why does it matter right? Well, it might help or inspire other people as well...can never know,right?

Mine is an image of a car driving on a clear highway all the way to it's destination.


Let me explain,I will always take the most clearer road or those that not many people would take . I always like to take an alternate way and easier to be able to achieve what I want or convenient for me. I mean, if you can find an alternate route to lead u to the same place and it's faster, why not right? Easy way doesn't always mean that the task is easy, it'll be difficult...but shorter time and no need to rush. When I find that a certain solution to solve a problem is always so difficult, I will try my best to find the fastest solution that saves cost and time. But ofcourse, if there isn't any...take your time, keep to the old road till you find a new one. Patience is a virtue.

And not many people know this, but I don't drive fast. Only when I want to cut people. That's how it is in my life. I'm not in the hurry to reach for that success...it'll eventually come to me, I just need the focus and the patience for it. What happens when u speed on the highway? when shit happens how? terrible things happen and you'll be in coma or worst. That's how it is for me, if I'm impatient...I'll never get it or I'll loose the opportunity. And always drive safely and try to follow the rules. No point keep on breaking the law and get caught and rendering you useless to achieve what you want. If I drive like a turtle...so be it! Don't you know that the turtle wins the race? haha.

So that's what my portrait is. A clear smooth highway for me to drive on 80-90 km/h to reach my destination within like maybe 15-20min? comparing to Federal highway in the morning?


Now all I have to do, is to keep on driving on a clearer road. Don't drive fast or do stupid things to piss off other people, keep ur eyes on the road...focus, stay safe and eventually you'll reach ur destination in time.

I thank the one person who has help me finding the answer, I really thank you alot...you've inspired me greatly =).

My animation clip 1

Some of my friends out there knows that I do 3d Animation for a game company but have not seen some of my animation. Well, u guys will have a small peek of my animation. Models are not done by me, I only animate the characters, even the sword drop. So here's one of them. Enjoy it =)

More will come

Kindred Hobby Tournament Malaysia

On Saturday March 6 2010, Me and my colleagues and a friend of a colleague and also another friend drive to the Legio Malaysia to compete in the 5oop Warhammer 40 000 Kindred Hobby Tournament. For my army list, vist my other page ( blackragemadness.blogspot.com ). So we arrive there in time before the check in closes.


We got ourselves a free t-shirt, sandwich for snack and a bottle of water. Oh, and we also got counters for the game for free! We check out the models that are there. Legio Malaysia is a place where all kinds of boardgaming terrains, miniatures and tables are made .

This terrain on table 02 is pretty sweet, love the arrangement to make it look like a post apocalyptic battleground.

Here is the building which acts like a tower in a middle of a clear plain terrain, looks cool aint it?

Here are the Awards that's given. There's 4 types of awards....Tournament Champion, Best General, Best Sportsmanship and People's Choice award. Tournament Champion pretty much sums it up what it means, Best General I'm not too clear what it means, but I think it's the 1st runner up or something, Best Sportsmanship displays good teamplay and etc and the People's Choice award is for the best looking miniature in the tournament.

I find this eldar army pretty awesome because of the clear details and color schemes.

The admins announcing the rules and rounds.

Round 1 me and my teammate fought againts a pair of Tyranids...and this guys are pretty tough! One keep spawning termagaunts and Mawlock attack, and the other deepstrikes down witha lots of tyranid warriors and it hit right near our army. So round 1 we lost because we are weak againts melee attackers.

This is a Daemon Prince with a Tyranid head and tail, pretty cool looking. It's hiding from the orks.

Round 2 - We proceed to the next round and we faced againts Black Templars and an Ultramarine. Both space marines that are balanced firepower and melee. Manage to take out their heavy fire. Then a surprising thing happened, the Ultramarines drop pod landed behind us, good move! But they tried to take out our tanks though... so when that failed, we blast his troops and left only the drop pod. The the black templar termies teleported near the same area as well and contested for out objectives...in the end, we ended up with a tie but we scoring 3 points more than them.

Round 3 - Round 3 we though it could be pretty quick because it's only 2 rhinos on the table with their troops on the table and Abaddon deep striking later. But damn, we can't take down those rhinos! Their tough! we manage to wrecked one of them but they were already near us. THen abaddon came in very early which we never expect them to. So we ended up not winning the last round too with almost total annihilation.


So all the players gather around for the reward ceremony. And thi is the funniest moment for me, read on to find out.

The admin announcing the winners for the awards


So obviously we weren't the champs and our army is not the best looking out there cuz there are definitely other better ones. I mean we are surrounded by veteran players compared to me. But here's a funny thing.

Me and my teammate got the Best Sportsmanship Award......

Wow.....they enjoyed killing us. Ahahaha, but we did have fun playing with them. We are the only ones who got all 3 ratings (highest) for all 3 rounds. Pretty unbelievable and first time winning an award for a tournament.the best tournament I have compared to Magic the Gathering tournament. Oh yeah, forgot to mentioned...we got another award as well. We got the Bloodiest Award...which is obvious cuz our army got killed alot. And according to the admins...we are the only team grabbing 2 awards in a tournament, but it's not our fault!

here's my awards, cool eh? ;D

Group photos with the rest of the winners and the Admins.

I do hope they have another tournament, cuz I'll definitely come for it and do better and grab more awards!! Wahahaah!

Surprise!

Hie there! it's been awhile since I came here. Been busy with alot of things compared to last time. So what's been happening in my time?

Well, I've been going to gym for like 3-4 times a week. I tried to make it weekdays but sometimes got other plans as well. Work out was good, lost up to almost 4kg....but I feel I've gained back some after yesterdays my 'surprise' birthday party(I'll get to that later). By March 6th I'm entering a warhammer 40 000 Hobby Kindred Tournament organized by Legio Malaysia and it's a pair up tournament. So I'm entering as the Space Marine teaming up with my buddy/co-worker Christopher Ong who'll be playing his Imperial Guard army...so more details in my Warhammer 40 000 blog.

I've been hanging out lunch with a friend in my old college and it's fun because I like talking to her, alot of infos and sharing and same understanding. Very rare that I can find girls like that (no offense ar girls). Most of her interest are geeky in a way but so am I, and most of the people in One Academy. And the truth is, dorks are cooler (watch Sydney White) than cool people/wannabes.

Now, like I said earlier...yesterday night I had a 'surprise' birthday party at Itallianese Pyramid although my birthday is 2 days on the way. The people who are in are most of my ninjutsu juniors from Seafield, Lionel, Chris and his gf. I came upstairs and I already noticed a long table with alot of people....and they shouted 'Happy Birthday'. Oklar, I was damn happy when they did that although it wasn't loud enough ( plus I noticed Mas and Lionel from outside) . But one downfall is just not enough girls there...cis, siapa organizer ni. Anyway, Lionel ordered the food and we had like pizzas, bread with something something, oyster with spaghetti, some sort of curry puff and many more. My drinks I ordered mojito! Awesome drink although they kinda put too much mint leaves inside and the lime seeds were just annoying.

Came the birthday boy's cake, my cake! Wahahaaha. It was huge...the cake was Tiramisu, the girls got the cake from Secret Recipe. They made me stand up on the chair and give a speech...I was cool with that, made alot of wish list, tried to blow the candles with my eyes close ( they move the cake around) and those idiots smash my face on the cake. Luckily I'm pro enough to save the cake and only the top thick cream layer suffered,cis...lil bangsats.. >D. Cake was good~ Good job girls! But because of the cake and the food...I think I gained back 3kg =__=, but the whole event was good. It's so touching....the students whom I've tortured in ninjutsu for so many years gave me a surprise party, thank u ar!

Oh god....I just realized, I'm gonna be 24 =__=. But this is just one of the great things for me in 2010, Woo hoo!

2010 baby!!

Good riddens! 2009 seems like a long sufferring year! Thank God it's gone now! And hello 2010! And lots and lots of good things gonna happen this year! You know how I know it? Because I'm gonna make it so! Made a resolution toast with the guys that this year we shall change for the better and see it for ourselves by the end of the year. It's a challenge I'm most willing to take! I've already started with one of them, I've just joined a gym just right next to my apartment called BodyXpress. The place is not so big, but it's good enough cuz the place have good equipments, a different kind of exercise called cross fitness which looks kinda interesting, marine training, martial arts training, ball throwing (something different) weights, machines that work out different parts of ur body and a few classes. They also have a break area where I can get free fruits and supplements, water and other things as well. The deal is good too, so I just joined cuz it's also very convenient for me. So if u want to find out more about BodyXpress, let me know ya? hehe.

I've been given as the lead Animator in my workplace, so yeah...it is a promotion, but it also means more work, but I get to lead a few animators as well...which is cool for me. I believe that we will be able to finish the game by this year without any problems cuz now we have a proper pipeline now. So I'm gonna do all my best for this year. Happy 2010 to you all! Cheerz!

Life, Me.

10 more days till the end of the year, but within those days...anything could happen. But I've already decided what I should do next year 2010 and those decision are based on what is good for me. Something that I need to do is that I need to search and fix myself because I'm missing something in life. Life as you know it is not what you think it is...it's much more vast and complicated than that. It's about what you've experienced through out your previous years...love, friendship, hardship, betrayal, stress, bullied, misery, despair and etc are all part of how Life is. The question is, do you understand why all of that are happening to you? Don't blame things or others or critisize or feel regret about why all those happened....learn it and understand why it happened. Those who failed to do so failed to understand the real meaning of how life is.

Please don't ask me about what Life is because I'm still learning...we all are. Only whether we realize things or not. Some will say that "Life is full of challenges" or "Life is all about balance" or etc.... those are quite true, but there's more than just what u hear more often.

Here's what I think.

Life is about how you live through it.

You want to tell other people how they should live their life? Think about yours first before you open your mouth. You need to be humble, honest, willing to admit and commitment to understand things you've done in the past. Nobody is always right because we are not perfect. We shouldn't let our ego take control of us. Even though you feel left out from the rest of your friends cuz they have their own gang...you shouldn't blame them. I'm like that, I already know that some people that I'm used to be close with already form their own private gang and I'm not part of it. If that's what they decide and have their own reason, I shouldn't be a busy body of finding out the reason why. If they have their own reason, I respect it. If it extended to the point that I'm all by myself...then that's how Life will come to be for me.

In life, you have to loose something....cause sooner or later, you'll gain something.

If I can't find love, that's how it is...difficult. Could be because of many reasons. Whether there's such thing as the best will come the last, I do not know. But if fate decides that I don't deserve such pleasure in experiencing love, I can't fight it...because the more I fight to hold on to the hope, the worst/further that hope that I've been reaching for goes away. Atleast that's just me. But I can't have hatred and dissapointment take over me because of that...it'll just make my character worst than before. All I can do is just let it take that hope away from me.

I realize over the past few years that no matter how much I help or how nice I am to the others, not many will acknowledge me , a gratitude or returning the favor...just only be gracious of me doing so for them...that is what my name means. But I don't blame them.... it's useless to do so, I look at myself and there's not many unique things about me that I deserve acknowledgement. I can only stand infront of them and smile because they are happy. How I feel....I guess I don't give a shit anymore. Their happiness is more important than me.

This is how I'm living now.....and that is why 2010, I want to fix it. And I want to do this on my own,....not with God's help or a miracle. I even prayed for a miracle from him till now I'm still waiting for it. So I'm done waiting, I'm gonna do it by myself...it's wasting alot of my time. Friend's help I guess I still can take... but I need to do this on my own. That is why I'm taking a break next year, need to do some cleaning up in me.

2010, faster come..../ Dragon Age Origins

I've come to realize that I'm no longer closely connected to the people I used to, now that everytime I go for service, I'm like a stranger. That's why I never bothered to stay back and fellowship, not even a hi from some that I know...so imagine I just stand around there not being talked at like a dunggu fella, a waste of my time. That's why everytime the service ends, I didn't hesitate to leave and have lunch at my apartment cafeteria. Even duty feels like a 2nd job now instead of really performing ur best. So fuck this, I'm just gonna start a new life starting 2010... I'm just only gonna focus on myself, what I need to fix, what I need to loose, what I need to forget, what I need to develope and what I need to begin. That is why, 2010....faster come.I can't wait any longer.

Lately I've been playing Dragon Age Origins and Left 4 Dead 2! Yes, I've finally played Left 4 Dead 2! Freaking Awesome! But 1st, Dragon Age Origins.

Dragon Age Origins is about the invasion of the Darkspawn and it is your duty as the Grey Warden to defeat them. How? well that's the adventure. You are suppose to gather ur army/alliance to go againts them while then helping out desperate folks, uncovering mysteries, meeting new characters, falling in love with one of them, dungeon raiding, get cool armors and items and pretty much save the town to gain their trust.

Now, Dragon Age is just like your typical Fantasy Adventure game, but wait. This Game enhanced that element itself making it real for the players to experience how's it like being an adventurer and save the land . As a normal RPG game, the character levels up...all character can. How u level and build the character determines how the character will be able to perform in the game when fighting or interacting with the NPCs of the game. Story wise is quite simple to say but each town or location have their own stories and many scrolls or books can be found all over as an additional reading material to uncover the history of the place/ people and get read some love letters~ Boring i say.

Character Animation is well done, not much motion captures used for this game...pretty much manually animated. Damn realistic I say, pretty convincing. And the cinematography when it comes to interacting the NPC is good, a very good reference for me. With this, it makes the conversation less boring. Oh, conversation will determine the outcome of it...so choose wisely when conversing with the characters, u may get extra things or information.

the guy in red armour is my character and the rest of the party members are the existing characters in the game.

The Design of the game is simple amazing, it's detailness never cease to amaze me. It really brings out the quality of the models, armors, items, swords and etc. Making it realistic looking makes the whole game more fun to play it. Environments I would say that the composition how they made it is just saving alot of polygon counts there, but enough to fill the space that is necessary. The texture quality are clear to the smallest bit, by it the texture is enhanced with few layer shading and higher resolution. I can play this game in window mode with my Radeon x1650 graphic card! The lighting is well balanced and suits the mood in certain areas to make it feel more of thrilling adventure for the players.

My character performing the finishing moves on Broodmother.

For the gameplay, I would say that It's your typical Neverwinter style with the pausing and make tactical planning. U can view your camera to 3rd person to Isometric view for better tactical strategies. Remember when I said that how u developed the characters determines the performance in battle? IF u dun upgrade them well with suitable skills to ur liking, better equipments and enough proper stats, your character can survive all the battles. Cuz if you don't nd the rest of your party member dies, the game is over.

But for what I think, the combat can sometimes be unfair.... u'll sometimes be ambush by 20 attackers along ur journeys. 4 againts 2o...madness, even with proper strategies...you'll be like a half dead fish or just die being ganked by them.

Along your journey, u'll find more companions to aid u on your quest and etc. You can even have a relationship with one of your companions. Just simple add more approvals by talking to them or give them gifts. Or you can just go to Denerim and get some action in the Pearl.

Oh, if you purchase the original package of Dragon Age, you'll be able to download the special character Shale. Shale is a stone golem created by the dwarfs to battle the Darkspawn centuries ago. U'll bump into a merchant and he'll give u the rod of command, and he'll give u the location of Shale. Once u've freed him, he'll be added in to ur party member. Shale is one of my favourite character, Why? The guy freaking hell sarcastic. He hates birds, can't blame him though...years of not being able to move and speak....birds tends to use him as the loo.

So I would recommend Dragon Age Origins to those adventure lovers out there, get the limited edition if you can!

my ratings :