Update

Just a lil update..

Found a great place to not get saman by police near Kelana Jaya station, YES!

Do my work, fixing problems...again, and again, and again and again.

Rush back and meet with my friend to practice for tommorow's ninjutsu demo.

Had a good catch up with him as always ( although during practice I hurt his foot though, sorry!)

Brought him along and have yum cha with the rest of the church member at Papa Rich.

Wanted to go play pool, but one of the church feeling very tired and mau tidur.

So balik and now I'm typing this update.


see, not an emo post.... >D

I want my Fear

My biggest fear is loosing everything about me, my existence, how I lived and what I am. Basically I'm afraid of Amnesia, can never know that I might get into an accident and that's the end of my existence to who I am, it feels like another person will be taking over my body and try to relive how I've lived. But then when I think about it, I feel that I want to have it.

I don't have much to concentrate on except for my dream job which I find it crappy at the moment because it's not the dream that I was hoping for, I'm ignoring alot of things that's bothering me, I can't get alot of things that I want, I've become more anti-social except for my colleagues, I've begun to curse alot again, I'm back to my lonely stage of depression and I've dropped the fact that true love/meant to be with theory exist. I thought about finding it elsewhere like in America or somewhere in this God created land..... but It won't make a difference anyway.

So might as well my memories be forgotten , and let some idiot play my role while I dissapear along with my memories. Amnesia doesn't sound so bad afterall, maybe that idiot after me would do better than me. I've almost lost the will to try hard now.

Fading from Reality

What happens when you're disconnected from the rest? Will you become lost or will you probably believe in yourself to be able to survive all alone? Will anyone remember you? Will anyone even notice at all? Will they ask others about you? Will they find you?

But what's on your mind? Would you care?Would you bother calling them ? Would you reply their message?

But the 1st question you should actually ask yourself is that what's the reason for you to leave the herd? To leave what you've already made a reputation of yourself. Was it because you are not receiving and you've only been giving? Is it because they took your kindness and sympathy for granted? Or you feel unapreciated at all? Or maybe you think that you're wasting your time with them?

This is the feeling of phasing out from the real world, from the land that God has created for you that somehow it's too much for you to handle. You keep asking yourself whether "is this for real?", No matter how many times you close and open your eyes again..the truth remains the same.

I do not want to fade, I want to stay and be able to play games together , chill out at a bar in a bunch or maybe play pool while the girls cheer. But trying to have a unique life is difficult when you're not being noticed by many and even need to ask for your name again. I want to be normal, but what can I do when the world doesn't see me?' u might have this in your thoughts. Yes, you don't need people to tell you that Jesus loves you and he is always there for u.... because you feel it's good to have someone currently beside you to remember you and keep calling your name. Someone you could share your life with.... someone you could share your feelings. Now that's reality.....something that you should fight for.

The Earth Hour

Last night from 8.30pm- 9.30pm was Earth Hour that all around the world are doing it, basically doing it at the same time. So I did my part by offing everything in my apartment and go out for my dinner. Well...I should have ate my dinner by 8.30pm, but I guess I was a little too hungry to hold it. My parents did their part by going back to Penang >D. My sister, well...she go jalan jalan at KL with her friend. So can pretty much say that We all did our part.

I was so bored at Daiki Cafe, so I started smsing alot of people as to what they are gonna do during that earth hour. Mostly all with their parents and friends, sigh....so lonely~ But Chai Yu Hui suggested we go yum cha at k3k in ss15! Woo Hoo! My night is not so boring! So I meet up with her at Asia Cafe and we walked there together and have a drink and chat alot.

Yu Hui is someone I met at Timothy's christmas Party, that time we didn't talk at all cuz she's a friend of timothy's sister's friend. Later she added my in facebook(at first couldn't recognize, LOL) and from then I get to know her better when we message each other in there and sms. So when yum cha that time it was easier for us to chat. If not it's gonna be like how my good friend Eddy trying to help me find a gf by introducing to his cousin. Hahaha...it was boring, didn't get to chat much at all cuz dunno much about her 1st and she was surfing the net and gonna do her work with her cousin's laptop, sigh....

So my night last night was very interesting, I enjoyed Yu Hui's company. Oklar, I'll bring her out go makan one day. Thanks alot, Yu Hui!

damn...I'm late for church, See ya!

Stupid Things are Everywhere!

It's been so annoying lately in this year, I expected this year to be a better year but things just get more and more 'stupid!'. Why did I say so? Man...there's a lot of them. One of them is from my work, some of the cutscenes that I'm doing doesn't make sense as to why I'm even doing it!! When you play a game, you like to beat up the boss as to how you fight, right? But what if you're just sitting there and let the game itself do it for you? All you have to do is to press the button at the right time and u can just relax while watching some of the cool shots. Oh, another one. Who loves Tonyhawk or SSX3 snowboarding game? U would love to control the snowboarding urself right? But what if it's the same as how you fight with the boss? The whole track u don't control, just press left or right at the right time. FUCK! I might as well make a movie out of this damn project! It's stupid! I wasted 1 month on a stupid snowboarding gameplay! I suggested that the game handle the snowboarding while I do the special scenes in that game. This is every junction!! Freakin stupid! Boss fight is not even u fighting! It's that stupid!

Another is that my boss, I've been working my ass off to do his stupid idea of a gameplay , struggling in fact....what does he tell to the Project Manager instead to me? My progress is very slow. FUCKING HELL! I've been drawing every inch of my will and effort to do his stupid 2 scenes (1st with 2 storyboards, the other is a gameplay where the level is freakin huge) and making alot of people happy and he even likes the scenes...and he says my progress is fucking slow!? What the Fuck! The reason is because I watch video clips and some downloaded movies. I've been working for almost 2 years and he still doesn't know how I do my animation. Movies and video clip that I watch helps me in my Animation and it keeps me focus, not distracted! I finish all of the work that I've done by the deadline but it's not my fault that they want to add stuff to it because they think 'It looks damn cool man, it's very simple~' No it's not! Fucking Stupid!We're not experience 3d Artist of 20years. Other than that, me watching the movie is distracting the rest? (even though I have my headphone on)..... it's not my problem lar if they see what I do. That's what u get when u put me at a spot where I have no freakin privacy at all! Everytime they will pass by and see what I'm doing!! It's annoying!They would ask me while I'm doing my work and ask what am I watching. I'm lazy to reply cuz my focus just got severed just like that!

What else....oh, American channels are getting more stupid than ever! The writers are getting suckier and more movies lately are so crappy! Like Dragonball Evolution! The Legend of Chun Li! Welll...except for Watchmen lar, that one did a great job. But my god!Why!? Dragonball is so freaking crap!! WHY!? My all time favourite anime in the past is destroyed by their stupid wild imagination out of the box converted movie style!! Street Fighter movie too! Vega is a brunette!? Balrog shoots bazooka!? Bison wears a tux??? Charlie looks like he's gonna loose his hair in a few years time!??? WTF!?

WWE channel series, my favourite tv series...the stories is getting more stupid than ever!? WT hell....they like wives and parents get kicked at the head and paralyze and bleeding!? They like innocent suffer? What is going on!? This is more brutal than the old days! Have the Americans become more barbaric and heartless as ever! Everytime I see a helpless wife get holded by a wrestler and he's about to execute his deadly move...I just simply off the TV and hit the lights. It's not interesting anymore and it's not as fun during The Rocky era. More people like to watch bad people inflict pain and taunt at them . This is just stupid! The makes of WWE seems to be enjoying this alot!

There's alot more things going on which doesn't make sense and not making me smile at all. I'm fucking tired because I've been doing OT and I'm just gonna sleep and hopefully my stressness dicipated by the next morning.

Independent Film

Just got back from KL (Time of returned was midnight). Actually supposed to stay back at work to do extra time, I'll be doing OT from Teusday - Wednesday till end of April....food hopefully can be claimed by boss since he ain't thinking about paying us extra hours for our sacrifice.

But that's not the main topic, the main topic is about this independent short film that I just went to watch and it's a preview. The name of the short film is called 'Baby the rain will fall'. The story is about a girl who has a phobia to water and she's being label as a'freak' among the normal people even though she too look as normal as them. She doesn't have alot of friend except for her close guy friend who's been with her since....well, i think since the starting of college. Basically it's a love story that a guy is in love with this girl who has this strange symptom and tries to help her overcome it.

So, comment would be : The camera angle, the music, the well used of graphic composition and location wise is very good...the acting too. The story still not there and not logic enough to tell about her phobia, it's not obvious. At first for me I thought she's afraid of the sunlight because she stays in a dark bedroom and she goes out at night. During daylight she'll wear this hat that can shade her body (I dun really know what type of hat u call for those >D)

The film was premiered at a bar which is not that big near Raja Chulan, quite packed....most of them are from the creative industry, like me! The film was done by a small group of production team and it's still progressing in producing more short films because this people believe that the film industry in Malaysia still can grow and be better. So me and few of my colleagues who came along leave our names and contact number to some of the projects their doing, hopefully maybe we get it. This kind of opportunity is really hard to come by. Incase my main job doesn't do well , this can be my backup plan.

I missed the KTM train to subang though, so I took the Putra LRT with one of my colleague to Kelana Jaya and he drop me back at my apartment. Last train for KTM was 11pm!! What the hell lar. Sigh.... but the experience was interesting. Hopefully there's something for me in the film industry.

A Dream of Death?

I had a dream 2 days ago that I was dying. MY heart slowly stop beating and it feels the air and everything that I feel being ripped away from me. Problem is, I did not struggle....I allowed it to happened....But then the alarm saved my life. I was so close to dying. I don't have health problems....Oh well.