10 more days till the end of the year, but within those days...anything could happen. But I've already decided what I should do next year 2010 and those decision are based on what is good for me. Something that I need to do is that I need to search and fix myself because I'm missing something in life. Life as you know it is not what you think it is...it's much more vast and complicated than that. It's about what you've experienced through out your previous years...love, friendship, hardship, betrayal, stress, bullied, misery, despair and etc are all part of how Life is. The question is, do you understand why all of that are happening to you? Don't blame things or others or critisize or feel regret about why all those happened....learn it and understand why it happened. Those who failed to do so failed to understand the real meaning of how life is.
Please don't ask me about what Life is because I'm still learning...we all are. Only whether we realize things or not. Some will say that "Life is full of challenges" or "Life is all about balance" or etc.... those are quite true, but there's more than just what u hear more often.
Here's what I think.
Life is about how you live through it.
You want to tell other people how they should live their life? Think about yours first before you open your mouth. You need to be humble, honest, willing to admit and commitment to understand things you've done in the past. Nobody is always right because we are not perfect. We shouldn't let our ego take control of us. Even though you feel left out from the rest of your friends cuz they have their own gang...you shouldn't blame them. I'm like that, I already know that some people that I'm used to be close with already form their own private gang and I'm not part of it. If that's what they decide and have their own reason, I shouldn't be a busy body of finding out the reason why. If they have their own reason, I respect it. If it extended to the point that I'm all by myself...then that's how Life will come to be for me.
In life, you have to loose something....cause sooner or later, you'll gain something.
If I can't find love, that's how it is...difficult. Could be because of many reasons. Whether there's such thing as the best will come the last, I do not know. But if fate decides that I don't deserve such pleasure in experiencing love, I can't fight it...because the more I fight to hold on to the hope, the worst/further that hope that I've been reaching for goes away. Atleast that's just me. But I can't have hatred and dissapointment take over me because of that...it'll just make my character worst than before. All I can do is just let it take that hope away from me.
I realize over the past few years that no matter how much I help or how nice I am to the others, not many will acknowledge me , a gratitude or returning the favor...just only be gracious of me doing so for them...that is what my name means. But I don't blame them.... it's useless to do so, I look at myself and there's not many unique things about me that I deserve acknowledgement. I can only stand infront of them and smile because they are happy. How I feel....I guess I don't give a shit anymore. Their happiness is more important than me.
This is how I'm living now.....and that is why 2010, I want to fix it. And I want to do this on my own,....not with God's help or a miracle. I even prayed for a miracle from him till now I'm still waiting for it. So I'm done waiting, I'm gonna do it by myself...it's wasting alot of my time. Friend's help I guess I still can take... but I need to do this on my own. That is why I'm taking a break next year, need to do some cleaning up in me.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I've come to realize that I'm no longer closely connected to the people I used to, now that everytime I go for service, I'm like a stranger. That's why I never bothered to stay back and fellowship, not even a hi from some that I know...so imagine I just stand around there not being talked at like a dunggu fella, a waste of my time. That's why everytime the service ends, I didn't hesitate to leave and have lunch at my apartment cafeteria. Even duty feels like a 2nd job now instead of really performing ur best. So fuck this, I'm just gonna start a new life starting 2010... I'm just only gonna focus on myself, what I need to fix, what I need to loose, what I need to forget, what I need to develope and what I need to begin. That is why, 2010....faster come.I can't wait any longer.
Lately I've been playing Dragon Age Origins and Left 4 Dead 2! Yes, I've finally played Left 4 Dead 2! Freaking Awesome! But 1st, Dragon Age Origins.
Dragon Age Origins is about the invasion of the Darkspawn and it is your duty as the Grey Warden to defeat them. How? well that's the adventure. You are suppose to gather ur army/alliance to go againts them while then helping out desperate folks, uncovering mysteries, meeting new characters, falling in love with one of them, dungeon raiding, get cool armors and items and pretty much save the town to gain their trust.
Now, Dragon Age is just like your typical Fantasy Adventure game, but wait. This Game enhanced that element itself making it real for the players to experience how's it like being an adventurer and save the land . As a normal RPG game, the character levels up...all character can. How u level and build the character determines how the character will be able to perform in the game when fighting or interacting with the NPCs of the game. Story wise is quite simple to say but each town or location have their own stories and many scrolls or books can be found all over as an additional reading material to uncover the history of the place/ people and get read some love letters~ Boring i say.
Character Animation is well done, not much motion captures used for this game...pretty much manually animated. Damn realistic I say, pretty convincing. And the cinematography when it comes to interacting the NPC is good, a very good reference for me. With this, it makes the conversation less boring. Oh, conversation will determine the outcome of it...so choose wisely when conversing with the characters, u may get extra things or information.
the guy in red armour is my character and the rest of the party members are the existing characters in the game.
The Design of the game is simple amazing, it's detailness never cease to amaze me. It really brings out the quality of the models, armors, items, swords and etc. Making it realistic looking makes the whole game more fun to play it. Environments I would say that the composition how they made it is just saving alot of polygon counts there, but enough to fill the space that is necessary. The texture quality are clear to the smallest bit, by it the texture is enhanced with few layer shading and higher resolution. I can play this game in window mode with my Radeon x1650 graphic card! The lighting is well balanced and suits the mood in certain areas to make it feel more of thrilling adventure for the players.
My character performing the finishing moves on Broodmother.
For the gameplay, I would say that It's your typical Neverwinter style with the pausing and make tactical planning. U can view your camera to 3rd person to Isometric view for better tactical strategies. Remember when I said that how u developed the characters determines the performance in battle? IF u dun upgrade them well with suitable skills to ur liking, better equipments and enough proper stats, your character can survive all the battles. Cuz if you don't nd the rest of your party member dies, the game is over.
But for what I think, the combat can sometimes be unfair.... u'll sometimes be ambush by 20 attackers along ur journeys. 4 againts 2o...madness, even with proper strategies...you'll be like a half dead fish or just die being ganked by them.
Along your journey, u'll find more companions to aid u on your quest and etc. You can even have a relationship with one of your companions. Just simple add more approvals by talking to them or give them gifts. Or you can just go to Denerim and get some action in the Pearl.
Oh, if you purchase the original package of Dragon Age, you'll be able to download the special character Shale. Shale is a stone golem created by the dwarfs to battle the Darkspawn centuries ago. U'll bump into a merchant and he'll give u the rod of command, and he'll give u the location of Shale. Once u've freed him, he'll be added in to ur party member. Shale is one of my favourite character, Why? The guy freaking hell sarcastic. He hates birds, can't blame him though...years of not being able to move and speak....birds tends to use him as the loo.
So I would recommend Dragon Age Origins to those adventure lovers out there, get the limited edition if you can!
my ratings :