Thursday, January 31, 2008

Saturday, January 12, 2008

2008

Suppose to write about this on New Year's day , but I've been enjoying myself too much till I forgot about it. So here it is. 2008 ,another year on earth. Some say that 2008 will be the greatest year. A time for a change, a time for a new election, a time evolution , a time where one stands up for once. For me, I have a feeling that this year is gonna be the saddest year for me.

It seems like in this year, alot of people that I know of including my 2nd sister is leaving else where. My sister is moving to Los Angelas , US to stay (The bf better follow and stay with her after that) , my youth pastor is leaving my church end of this month to become a senior pastor in a small church ( but he is still stay at the same place), my studio manager who is my mentor is leaving to Singapore to stay with his gf end of february, Cindy is in New Zealand now for good, April will be finishing up her last year of diploma and then leaving elsewhere for degree and maybe staying there for good, Lionel going back to Aussie , Bard will be around for 5 more months before he goes back to Brunei for good and I think there's more to come later in this year.

Yes, indeed that 2008 will be a year of alot of changes , many sad moments to come , gaining something new experience and maybe many prayers will be answered. Someone is gonna rise from it's empty shell, I'm gonna go all out for this year. I'm gonna change and I'm gonna be strong no matter what happens. I will achieve things and keeping in touch with God Almighty.I will move on and I'm gonna pull it through for this Year. Cheers to you,2008!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Road we walk.

I wrote this in deviantart about the strangest dream I had few years back and it's still a little bit clear to me.

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I had a dream.....of each people walking on their own road.

Some walking on their own happy life....

some cross to other people's road and end up walking together...

some have already crossed and end up splitting up in their own ways...

it's like you can see the people in the world walking in their own road towards a very bright light .

I'm walking side by side with someone....not in the same road, just happened to be beside me. I don't really know her , but I like her....she had the cheery , cute personality that I like....which in the end, I fell for her.

So I walk behind her on her road...she look at me and smiled. She was glad that I acompanied her. She hold my arm as though she felt lonely...I wasn't gonna go anywhere else...but just simply walking beside her.

I wanted to tell her that I want to be in the same road with her...forever and ever until we reach that light. But suddenly....she stopped and look at me.

I look at her , she gave me an expression that I've never seen before....then her eyes shed tears...A sudden struck in me , something sharp... and long, like a spear. she placed something in me which immobilized my movement and my body.An impalement.

She pierced in me so deep that I won't be able to pull it out. I fell to my knees, I couldn't move my hands or my body....because that's what it does.

I look at her , asking her the reason why she did it... she cried , giving me no answer to her emotions. She walk further away from me and called for a guy from another road. She walk towards him and hold his hands....they look back at me , both of them gigle and walk away from me on their own new road. While I....on my knees, impaled by a spear gazing on the shining light...I've never felt so painful in my life... so empty throughout my entire journey.

There I was ...kneeling down , stranded on her road...feeling numb, regret and foolish enough to think that I could walk with her forever and ever to the light.I can't go back to my own road... knowing now with my lousy making decision...there's no going back.

I cry and cry....looking at other people , walking on their own road...with their joy, their happiness , their laughter... growing old slowly as they walk. Will I ever have that at all....am I bound to be stuck here forever.

I stare at the light ....calling to God and ask ..." Am I supposed to stop walking now? Why do I began to walk here anyway? knowing that you will place me here like this on her road where she'll never return!". Then again I realize, I was only talking to a bright shining light...there was no response. So I thought to myself and came with a conclusion... 'This is my fate...my mistake'.

........

.....

..

That's where you came in... you came to this road I was stuck on, asking me what happen, whether I could walk. I laughed and look at you , telling you that's a supid question. You didn't say anything but to tell me to be calm, you gave me a smile and try to help me. That's what struck me...

you gave me a smile...you hold out your hands and began to pull the long spear in me... it won't barge...still stuck in me. I look at you again , telling you it's pointless...I can't move at all.... this damn spear is the reason for it.

You never listen... being stubborn and all, you struggle to try and pull it out. I began to find it strange about why you make so much effort into helping me when you're suppose to walk in your own road. You look at me and told me

" Everyone should walk on their own road to where they are supposed to walk to... even you. You may have crossed into someone else's road and end up in a dead end. But I can help you get back to your own road."

my finger twitched...her words gave me the strength to move , she pulls the spear from my body little by little. She smiled at me with tears pouring out from her eyes , saying that I was going to be alright...

But how could I be alright...it doesn't make any difference.Even if I go back...I'll only go back to the person I used to be.If I were to walk with her, I'll end up in the same situation as before. I rather be stranded here and let everyone walk.

" I won't leave you, besides.... I can't just let you be alone out here....right?" she replied....

" Huh...?" I stared at her. Why can't she? among other people.....I don't deserve this kind of help... I've made a mistake once...how could I actually make a better a better decision next time?

She pulled out the spear from me...and I screamed in pain.Trying to bare it inside me but it was too painful. She grabs hold of me....trying to help me redeem the pain, she cried...but why? it is I who should be crying....she help me get up, making sure I could stand and help me walk back to my own road.

"Thank you for your help , I don't know why...but I'll be walking now"...I began to walk on my road...more like limping, I've been numb and lost for too long, somehow..the feeling is still the same...numb or not...I've lost something that is irreplaceable.I'm still holding the injury that has not healed completely byt the previous girl.

But suddenly....you came from behind, holding my arms...helping me to walk properly.I thought you've walk back to your own road. You told me this once in the dream.....

" Even if you're lost , you can always be found...I'll always find you whenever you're alone or when you're lost... I'll always be here, and when I'm in the same situation, I trust you to do the same"....

I look into your eyes...trying to remember your face...your long hair , your skin, your scent , your touch ...I wanted to ask your name.....

but that's when I woke up, the alarm rang...my whole body aching , some parts are numb like I never moved at all on my bed. I catch my breath , strangely like I've not been breathing.It was 9.40am, and I was late for my class in college.I quickly change and head off to the bus station .

I lost you again...but you changed me and gave me a little light to believe....

that I shouldn't walk alone whenever I'm lost...

I thank you...whoever you are....

a dream that happened 2 years ago....

I could never forget it.



I'll find you...

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Got Tagged!.....again

Tagged byJasmin Lim

1. Chew Pei Gee
2. Melissa Tiang
3. April Lim
4. Paige Eleanor Shem
5. Jasmin Lim
6. Regine Tan
7. Rainbow Ng
8. Diana(Neko)
9. Michelle Lim
10. Jessie MCc
(This are randomly place, not arrange)


Now time for the questions!(This are answered with honesty, straight from my heart)


1) How long have you known number 4(Paige Eleanor Shem)?
Ermm....I've known her for the last 2 years++ of my college life at the One Academy . A realy hot,beautiful, creative,smart and talented friend .

2) Is number 1 your best friend(Pei Gee)?
I wish, we are just friends....a very long disctance kind of friendship. We've known each other during high school time in a Tuitorial centre called Tuitorial Lee.Met her during form 3.

3) Do you have a crush on number 6(Regine Tan)?
Once actually, during high school.... I did confess it to her during college time, but then it didn't go so well in the end. But now we're seeing each other again as good friends as we usual were.

4) Would you date number 7(Rainbow Ng)?
Well...why not. I don't mind , but ofcourse if she is free. She's always very hardworking trying to complete her college assignments.

5) How bout number 5(Jasmin Lim)?
Well....I did remember promising her a free dinner once she comes back. (Only dinner, belanja only)

6) If you could pick one nickname for number 8 what would it be and why(Diana/Neko)?
Ermm...I dunno, I've not seen her ever since our 2nd break up in 2001.I guess I would still call her Diana.

7) Name one inside joke you have with number 10/if you don't have any for some reason, name a memory you have with number 10 (Jessie MCc)?
Hmmm....can't remember any of the jokes .(Oh, we're msn buddies by the way. She's from Australia.She calls me dear and I call her babe) .Well, best conversation memory I had with her is about the hot stuff topic and the pics of her. That was during form 5 by the way. Now is art stuff.

8) Have you ever been on a trip with number 4(Paige Eleanor Shem)?
Nop, there is a college field trip....but I was never interested in going.

9) Have you ever had a sleepover with number 5?
Nop, I can't...she's in Aussie. Even if she is here.....Whooohh, too fast....too fast, we're only friends.

10) Do you think number 9 is hot or not(Mi-chelle Lim)?
Kalau tak cakap pun still kena by her sakainess. Yes yes, she is hot....boss saya is very hot among the Sakai group (cuz the only girl mar).

11) Have you ever met number 3's parents(April Lim)?
Well...I've met her mom before during my SPM results. I know her elder brother.

12) Have you ever hugged number 8(Diana Neko)?
Only once....I think, we actually didn't last very long together. But I do love her at that time.

13) Do you miss number 7 right now(Rainbow Ng)?
Ehemm...ehemmm. Well, I did miss her abit during the New Year's eve celebration. She was busy at home finishing up her work.

14) If you could say any one thing to number 9 without any consequences, what would it be(Mi-chelle Lim)?
Wahh...such awesome power I've received. Now I can say whatever to my boss!! >D ...... " I want a Java Frappucino from Starbucks and get super hyper again!!"

15) Would you ever makeout with number 6(Regine Tan)?
Err....say what!? It would be weird (again) if I were to do that. Besides, she is seeing someone else, and that guy is famous for punching anyone seeing too cozy with her.Well, she said he has change....(hopefully)

16) How about number 10(Jessie MCc)?
Hmmm....interesting, not such a bad idea. She's hot....wait, let me correct that. She's super hot. I guess I can just collect some money , fly over to Australia(can't remember which part does she stay ) and give it a try. >)

17) Do you have any pictures of number 1 (Pei Gee)?
I'm afraid not, didn't get the chance to take a picture with her.

18) Do you have a crush on anyone on this list?
Honestly...a few of them. Chew Pei Gee , Paige Eleanor Shem, Regine Tan and Diana. Diana was my 2nd crush. my 1st crush is not in the list.

19) Do you miss anyone on this list?
Yes...I miss Pei Gee very much, she's currently in UK for her studies.I wish her all the best.

20) Have you ever hugged anyone on this list?
Yup, Regine tan and Mi-Chelle Lim.

It's time to tag...

- Yvonne Yong -
- Darren C.Edward -
- Carol Ching Cia Ee -
- Paige Eleanor Shem -
- Jessie MCc -
- Jan Faye-
- Maggie Cheong -
- Lillien Siew -