Update

Just a lil update..

Found a great place to not get saman by police near Kelana Jaya station, YES!

Do my work, fixing problems...again, and again, and again and again.

Rush back and meet with my friend to practice for tommorow's ninjutsu demo.

Had a good catch up with him as always ( although during practice I hurt his foot though, sorry!)

Brought him along and have yum cha with the rest of the church member at Papa Rich.

Wanted to go play pool, but one of the church feeling very tired and mau tidur.

So balik and now I'm typing this update.


see, not an emo post.... >D

I want my Fear

My biggest fear is loosing everything about me, my existence, how I lived and what I am. Basically I'm afraid of Amnesia, can never know that I might get into an accident and that's the end of my existence to who I am, it feels like another person will be taking over my body and try to relive how I've lived. But then when I think about it, I feel that I want to have it.

I don't have much to concentrate on except for my dream job which I find it crappy at the moment because it's not the dream that I was hoping for, I'm ignoring alot of things that's bothering me, I can't get alot of things that I want, I've become more anti-social except for my colleagues, I've begun to curse alot again, I'm back to my lonely stage of depression and I've dropped the fact that true love/meant to be with theory exist. I thought about finding it elsewhere like in America or somewhere in this God created land..... but It won't make a difference anyway.

So might as well my memories be forgotten , and let some idiot play my role while I dissapear along with my memories. Amnesia doesn't sound so bad afterall, maybe that idiot after me would do better than me. I've almost lost the will to try hard now.

Fading from Reality

What happens when you're disconnected from the rest? Will you become lost or will you probably believe in yourself to be able to survive all alone? Will anyone remember you? Will anyone even notice at all? Will they ask others about you? Will they find you?

But what's on your mind? Would you care?Would you bother calling them ? Would you reply their message?

But the 1st question you should actually ask yourself is that what's the reason for you to leave the herd? To leave what you've already made a reputation of yourself. Was it because you are not receiving and you've only been giving? Is it because they took your kindness and sympathy for granted? Or you feel unapreciated at all? Or maybe you think that you're wasting your time with them?

This is the feeling of phasing out from the real world, from the land that God has created for you that somehow it's too much for you to handle. You keep asking yourself whether "is this for real?", No matter how many times you close and open your eyes again..the truth remains the same.

I do not want to fade, I want to stay and be able to play games together , chill out at a bar in a bunch or maybe play pool while the girls cheer. But trying to have a unique life is difficult when you're not being noticed by many and even need to ask for your name again. I want to be normal, but what can I do when the world doesn't see me?' u might have this in your thoughts. Yes, you don't need people to tell you that Jesus loves you and he is always there for u.... because you feel it's good to have someone currently beside you to remember you and keep calling your name. Someone you could share your life with.... someone you could share your feelings. Now that's reality.....something that you should fight for.