I want my Fear

My biggest fear is loosing everything about me, my existence, how I lived and what I am. Basically I'm afraid of Amnesia, can never know that I might get into an accident and that's the end of my existence to who I am, it feels like another person will be taking over my body and try to relive how I've lived. But then when I think about it, I feel that I want to have it.

I don't have much to concentrate on except for my dream job which I find it crappy at the moment because it's not the dream that I was hoping for, I'm ignoring alot of things that's bothering me, I can't get alot of things that I want, I've become more anti-social except for my colleagues, I've begun to curse alot again, I'm back to my lonely stage of depression and I've dropped the fact that true love/meant to be with theory exist. I thought about finding it elsewhere like in America or somewhere in this God created land..... but It won't make a difference anyway.

So might as well my memories be forgotten , and let some idiot play my role while I dissapear along with my memories. Amnesia doesn't sound so bad afterall, maybe that idiot after me would do better than me. I've almost lost the will to try hard now.