Sunday, June 29, 2008

Diablo III!

Yup, that's right... Blizzard did it again by surprising their players on the upcoming sequel of Diablo. For more info, check out

Friday, June 27, 2008

Embrace the new Sun

Walking alone gives you alot of space and free will to think.. staring at the golden sun.I've missed this. Nothing clouding in my head, walking down to the train station and looking at the sky. This time , the cool breeze of the wind ,the clear morning sky and the golden sun rising from the east... this is how the feeling of a new life should be. It's different from dissapearing.For that I only wish that I get an amnesia and forget about whatever I did for the past few years, even though it's one of my fearful injuries to have. Amnesia just eases the pain and not being able to remember.

But now , I'm a little glad that I've no longer have a burden heart.I'm emptied and ready to be filled again...and this time, I'll do it right. I can start something new here, although ofcourse... the past will do whatever it takes to haunt me back just like how they did it to the old guy before me. Now there's only one more prophecy left to be fullfilled ...

This morning , I look at the sun... a feeling of a new life. I welcome that life with a new style....

I raise my hand , turn it around, Embrace the new Sun and say...

"Bring it on, suckas..."

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Day after his Freedom. He died for being in Love.

The day after my freedom (from previous post), the old self died... the idiot died by the very person that he loved. I guess his blurr dream vision was kinda true. It was not done by physical impact... but with words & feeling, that his love was for nothing. Being use back as a dagger or a spear pierce him deep.

This was the words of his loved one...

" ...You know what? I appreciated our friendship...but I just realize something after my fren pointed it out.. you were frens back with me coz you have a motive T.T . It's coz you want me to be your someone only you frens back with me? Then when i want to have someone but it's not you, you want to dissapear..I'm not sure your motive is good or not but i feel like you just want something from me only you dampingi/fren me if not you won't even bother bout me like you wanted to now..last time u wanted to be my best fren also coz of that motive..Haih it's really so hard to find good frens who just simply appreciate being frens these days..and not being frens for their own wants and motive..Haih i feel like my friendship with you just got cheated...and your mistake? I don't think it's a mistake unless like i said not a true fren. Sigh~ i just feel disappointed..newayz, I hope u keep smiling too..take care"

This is what a person gets for being in love with a friend for a long time, that man didn't get the chance to take the step to change his life and have a renewed friendship with her without any feelings or whatsoever.I'm here as a different counter part of tell about his story, his ruined love story.

My mistake 6 years back was that I should have shifted my class beginning of form 4 because there was too many gangsters in the class, but I didn't because the moment when Regine and her good friend Joey came in late...I fell in love with her on the 1st sight.I tried to get to know her for 2 years...then, we were going to different colleges, I didn't want to loose I became....her friend. I was blurr at that time, a real idiot for doing that...but what can you do? I can't loose her.

During my time with her, I bare the pain of seeing her with other guys being close to her plus I never knew about her previous 4 ex-bfs that she had. But when she coupled with a big-mouth jerk who smokes and works in a cyber cafe only... it blew me, she rather be with a guy like that....because of what? Some stupid Chinese Horoscope match making? Older guys are more mature?She only knew him for 3 weeks and boom!They are kissing away. I disappeared because I couldn't bear it, I couldn't believe that this was the girl I fell in love with.And other than that, I did confess to her my feelings before she coupled with that guy...As a person who loved her, it's hard to see her with someone else.

I was doing fine when I dissapeared from her, bear in mind that deep down inside of me still has that love for her, but it's just buried. When during the end of my 2nd year of dissapearance... we met at the pyramid bus stop. That feeling started to resurface back when I saw her, she looks even more beautiful than before, but when her new bf at time sunk in deep.8 months have passed since that time, on february year 2007, I receive a message from her that she invited me to her birthday party ...I wanted to decline, but...that feeling inside of me just wanted to know how she's doing, so my mouth just blurted out "yeah...okay".

Few months later,On that same year, I keep seeing her few times. On Tim's birthday, Tim ask me to pick her up... I guess it was okay for me , but I don't know why I agree on that.She was single at that time, broken up from her new bf because of her ex punching him on the face. From that day on , we've been going out together. What have I done... I've gone back to my past again. But this time I thought she has changed, she has grown more mature than last time. I could see a little bit that she has changed. But in the end, I was mistaken.I go back to her because that feeling that I have for her resurface...that I was foolish enough to try it again.Yeah, I was a damn fool to try it again.

Recently for the past few months, she's been telling me that she's been hanging out at her ex bf's house. Which got me worried until I asked her "be honest with me, If you are going back to him...just tell me, then I'll stop" She then told me....honestly that she wants to go back to him despite on all the bad things and bad attitude that he has. She never told me that she still have feelings for him which is so strong...That he was the one because ....Dragon and tiger memang very ngam. She still believed in that bullshit, meaning....she was still the same as before I left her. On that time, I was an idiot...a renewed idiot. On that time, he wanted to kill his old self and get a new life, telling her that his friendship with her...will not be the same, it'll be different.

But the next day,he didn't get to do that.He died reading that message(above) after his freedom,he cried knowing that this is what he gets for falling in love with someone he wanted to be with for so long, end up dying by her words. She said she understood his feelings, but I don't think she does at all with that message....He was able to reply back his last words...

" I'm sorry if u thought that it was a motive because it was never. All this time, I never actually treated u like a friend...But I treated u as more than that. I treated u as someone I want to care for, someone who I want to protect, always be there for listen to her problems, i did all that because I was in love.But it's always difficult when I became a friend which it wasn't my intention...but i accept it just to be with u .This...was my true feelings, not a motive to get something from u, I didn't cheat u in our friendship. I'll always love u, gine. Whether i vanish or not, i still loved u. But I guess it's pointless to say all this now. I've messed it up anyway. Goodbye, I'll c u....someday"

Just that, it won't be the next day as today is his funeral in my heart. I'm carrying out his will to live on as a new person. Never to go back to the past, and never make a mistake with a friend.

Here's a goodbye to him, January 2006 - June 2008...he died by being in love.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Feels good to be Free.

Now I don't have to worry about it, I'm free from whatever confusion that I had for almost a year now. Basically, the prophecy that Pastor Benedict Rajan mentioned came true, " A thing in the past that you have forgotten will come back to you " ... and that's the painful event that I left behind, that I forgot...that I've made a mistake of going back to it again. I finally faced that earlier today... and I found the truth, and now I'm freed from the truth.From this prophecy to come true...I've realize what I need to do now. I need to renew my life now, the old me has died off with the truth.

I'm not saying that we can't be friends anymore...just that we won't be the same as before.This time, I'm only a friend who doesn't have any strong feelings for you're just someone I know for a long time. Be happy with Zen, gine... =)I have a life to renew.

What the hell am I doing , God?

I write this to you to ask you a question about me, what the hell am I doing,God? Why am I trying so hard to be back with the past? Why am I going back to the one thing I've tried for 2 years forgetting? Why am I doing this?Why is it that On March,I suddenly had a turned of fate of meeting back with the one person I've forgotten for 2 years.I suddenly attend her birthday party? Why is it somewhere around late August I decided to follow Tim and her to Suzanne's birthday party?? Why is it that on November 2007, I picked her up to attend Tim's party?? Why is it that after that we started to hang out again just like last time?? What's going on?? Didn't I make an oath that I wouldn't see my past and forget the stupid things that I've done? What the heck is happening!?? Crap, now I'm having mix emotions again! This is not how it's suppose to happen! Benedict Rajan prophecied that the things that I forgot.....will come back,... and... No, it won't come true.... u've never been this generous to me. Now I see the result...I'm repeating the event again. Why is fate forcing me to do this! Is it fun to force me back to that painful moment again??? Years of worshipping u is not enough? What else you want me to do anyway??

Now all I wanted to do is just to be with her, but when I think of that....I still remember my past, how can I allow myself to be like this.I became a christian for you, I have friends like I've never had before ,I graduated, I've got a job, I've got a car which I can drive freely around, I've got an apartment which is convenient and now...the thing in the past came back to me, just to see how I will handle it this time. If I were to have your love & blessings.... I'll take her hands, and never let it go. But all this are happening because u want to fulfill the bad vision I had last year, am I right? Am I some sort of an omen child to you? IF you can , just answer me...because I feel like creeping back to my sorrowful sanctum, like I always have before I known you.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I'm so thankful for God's mercy! +D

Why am I so thankful for his mercy upon me? Because....

Last Sunday, I lost my Wow account/Got banned from the Admin for exploiting my account from other user who is not allowed to use my account. To cut the story small, my Wow account got hacked! I don't have alot of gold in my character, why the heck would they want to hack me? geez....

Anyway, it took me a few days to get their form, fill it in... send it to my sister who is in Glendale,CA in America to mail it for me to blizzard.I send an email to them saying that my password could have been exploited by Adobe flash player which leaks password information.( to all viewers, please update your Adobe Flash Player for safety precaution)

So what did I do while I wait till miracle to arrive? I play Warhammer40,000 Soulstorm, at home I play GTA IV in my xbox , I play Team Fortress 2 in my pc ( Ahhh.... you know la, can't live without games).

Finally!! Today! I got an email from Blizzard that my account is restored!! I change my password and now I can play!


Nyuk nyuk nyuk >D

*quack quack*


Thank you ,GOd!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A freakin nail to me BRAIN!

Arghhh, being a 3D level builder in a game development company is not easy at all! The concept actually is very simple for that job position, just build up the damn level based from the concept art given by the concept artist and hand it to the lighting artist. It may sound simple and easy for any 3d artist around , but it's very different when dealing with technical stuff based on the engine. Compared to character modelling & animation, Level designing is even harder! Dammit, so many technical issues that need to be aware of! It's such a freakin headache to keep an eye out for any of those buggers when building stuff.

Imagine this, I still have to fix things in my 1st level! Been handling it for 2months + till now!Sometimes some of the problems are new problems which resurface because of lighting applied or maybe something else in Game Engine. Argh...I've never had this much stress last time when I was handling 3d characters.

I thinkk for the next game, I'm better off being in the character design team.Being there is less stressful than my current position, plus something I'm good at doing which keeps me going on.....Animating.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Death only come once, will I get the chance to love you before then?

Death as we all know, comes only once. There's no such thing as a 'rehearsal' for this. When the word 'Death' comes to my mind, it's not just the end of life...but the end of any opportunity that u wanted to do. For most, they were able to get it live out through it...for some don't get to.

I wonder,will I be able to live out my life and make it worth my time? Will I be able to achieve big goals and successfuly own a well known studio in the world? Will I be a real famous guy?
My dear love, will I be able to get the chance to be in love with you for a long time before my day comes? Will I be able to hold your hands and walk down that park to enjoy the company of each other? Will I be able to feel your kiss everyday? Will I be able to get the chance to say 'I love you' everyday or everytime I look at your face, your beautiful eyes, your wonderful smile, your smooth silky long hair, your soft skin....will I be able to feel all those on you? Will I be able to get a ring and propose to you someday to be my wife?

Will I be on time to see our children grow and they be proud of their dad while the old man watches them grow up proudly? Will I live to see my grandchildren. By then, will you still love me till I rach my day? Because I know I will... I'll love you every second in my life, I'll not force u to love me... I won't force u to make a decision, I won't hurt you or etc. But I just want to hold you close, shield u from any harm, protect & care for you... and love you everytime. I'll love you till the day I draw my last breath.

I'll love you, whoever you are....