Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Day after his Freedom. He died for being in Love.

The day after my freedom (from previous post), the old self died... the idiot died by the very person that he loved. I guess his blurr dream vision was kinda true. It was not done by physical impact... but with words & feeling, that his love was for nothing. Being use back as a dagger or a spear pierce him deep.

This was the words of his loved one...

" ...You know what? I appreciated our friendship...but I just realize something after my fren pointed it out.. you were frens back with me coz you have a motive T.T . It's coz you want me to be your someone only you frens back with me? Then when i want to have someone but it's not you, you want to dissapear..I'm not sure your motive is good or not but i feel like you just want something from me only you dampingi/fren me if not you won't even bother bout me like you wanted to now..last time u wanted to be my best fren also coz of that motive..Haih it's really so hard to find good frens who just simply appreciate being frens these days..and not being frens for their own wants and motive..Haih i feel like my friendship with you just got cheated...and your mistake? I don't think it's a mistake unless like i said not a true fren. Sigh~ i just feel disappointed..newayz, I hope u keep smiling too..take care"

This is what a person gets for being in love with a friend for a long time, that man didn't get the chance to take the step to change his life and have a renewed friendship with her without any feelings or whatsoever.I'm here as a different counter part of tell about his story, his ruined love story.

My mistake 6 years back was that I should have shifted my class beginning of form 4 because there was too many gangsters in the class, but I didn't because the moment when Regine and her good friend Joey came in late...I fell in love with her on the 1st sight.I tried to get to know her for 2 years...then, we were going to different colleges, I didn't want to loose I became....her friend. I was blurr at that time, a real idiot for doing that...but what can you do? I can't loose her.

During my time with her, I bare the pain of seeing her with other guys being close to her plus I never knew about her previous 4 ex-bfs that she had. But when she coupled with a big-mouth jerk who smokes and works in a cyber cafe only... it blew me, she rather be with a guy like that....because of what? Some stupid Chinese Horoscope match making? Older guys are more mature?She only knew him for 3 weeks and boom!They are kissing away. I disappeared because I couldn't bear it, I couldn't believe that this was the girl I fell in love with.And other than that, I did confess to her my feelings before she coupled with that guy...As a person who loved her, it's hard to see her with someone else.

I was doing fine when I dissapeared from her, bear in mind that deep down inside of me still has that love for her, but it's just buried. When during the end of my 2nd year of dissapearance... we met at the pyramid bus stop. That feeling started to resurface back when I saw her, she looks even more beautiful than before, but when her new bf at time sunk in deep.8 months have passed since that time, on february year 2007, I receive a message from her that she invited me to her birthday party ...I wanted to decline, but...that feeling inside of me just wanted to know how she's doing, so my mouth just blurted out "yeah...okay".

Few months later,On that same year, I keep seeing her few times. On Tim's birthday, Tim ask me to pick her up... I guess it was okay for me , but I don't know why I agree on that.She was single at that time, broken up from her new bf because of her ex punching him on the face. From that day on , we've been going out together. What have I done... I've gone back to my past again. But this time I thought she has changed, she has grown more mature than last time. I could see a little bit that she has changed. But in the end, I was mistaken.I go back to her because that feeling that I have for her resurface...that I was foolish enough to try it again.Yeah, I was a damn fool to try it again.

Recently for the past few months, she's been telling me that she's been hanging out at her ex bf's house. Which got me worried until I asked her "be honest with me, If you are going back to him...just tell me, then I'll stop" She then told me....honestly that she wants to go back to him despite on all the bad things and bad attitude that he has. She never told me that she still have feelings for him which is so strong...That he was the one because ....Dragon and tiger memang very ngam. She still believed in that bullshit, meaning....she was still the same as before I left her. On that time, I was an idiot...a renewed idiot. On that time, he wanted to kill his old self and get a new life, telling her that his friendship with her...will not be the same, it'll be different.

But the next day,he didn't get to do that.He died reading that message(above) after his freedom,he cried knowing that this is what he gets for falling in love with someone he wanted to be with for so long, end up dying by her words. She said she understood his feelings, but I don't think she does at all with that message....He was able to reply back his last words...

" I'm sorry if u thought that it was a motive because it was never. All this time, I never actually treated u like a friend...But I treated u as more than that. I treated u as someone I want to care for, someone who I want to protect, always be there for listen to her problems, i did all that because I was in love.But it's always difficult when I became a friend which it wasn't my intention...but i accept it just to be with u .This...was my true feelings, not a motive to get something from u, I didn't cheat u in our friendship. I'll always love u, gine. Whether i vanish or not, i still loved u. But I guess it's pointless to say all this now. I've messed it up anyway. Goodbye, I'll c u....someday"

Just that, it won't be the next day as today is his funeral in my heart. I'm carrying out his will to live on as a new person. Never to go back to the past, and never make a mistake with a friend.

Here's a goodbye to him, January 2006 - June 2008...he died by being in love.

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