Saturday, June 6, 2009

Where am I?

I've been out of picture for a long time, I have no idea what to blog about because my life is not interesting anymore. So where do I stand now? Where am I? I just don't know. Everything happening around me are just happy and exciting , but I'm not happy and excited. I go to church and everyone feeling blessed and joyful, but I'm not. A new game release and it's cool & awesome, but I'm not bothered. I'm not sure what's going on with me. I'm phasing out from everything. I don't even know what my friends are doing now. No invites, no calls to hang out... not even a 'hi' on MSN. Actually...I never get any 'hi's in MSN or Facebook. Most of my contacts are busy or away... and I don't actually send a message when they are in those status because 1: It'll be intruding while they are probably busy with their own stuff and 2: they won't actually reply back. I live by those rules for most of my life.

But other than that, lately I don't really bother what the rest are doing,...well except for some maybe. But those people I rarely see them. My life has really became a crumpled paper that has been thrown away. Did that damn prophetic reverent placed this cursed on me? Well I'm sorry for whatever that I do not know that I've done, I never know anyway. But whatever that is, it has lead me to this point that I'm all alone here on this land. The people here are difficult to say, they are difficult to be with.

People here are not like the west, Asians are different... seriously, they don't like confrontational approach because it's dangerous and weird. Can't blame them, killers are a lot here in this pathetic country. Communication is a factor here in Malaysia, especially with a different gender....and it's crazy. So many forwarded messages about signals and the wrong words to use has implanted most of their brains now and it's so difficult to communicate with them now. It's like a daily exam with them, if you answer or did something're gonna fail unless they give u a 2nd chance. Oh, best part....if u call them, and they say they are busy (not telling u what they are busy with or made up story) and ask u to call them next time....just don't bother. She/he probably gonna do that for like...everytime until maybe miraculously they are really free. They'll give tons of signals and expecting u to figure it out, and you know what.... it's getting tiring. It shouldn't be a test, because when u have's difficult for everyone to click or maintain a good relationships because they will build doubts and trusting issues.

So it's simple, if u do's gonna be difficult, you don't do's also gonna be difficult. The people here you can say are just crazy and hard to play with. As a friend it's okay... but u want to further the relationship, one of them will just find it weird because they don't see u that way. Hmmm...maybe that's why I can't find her, the right one....because there isn't. She only exist in my head. Even if I found a decent girl that I would probably get married to, I won't actually be happy. Even now anyone here who's on a relationship or chasing after the one they love/like.... without a doubt, there won't be a happy story. Even if there is, it's just a fantasy. Disney, you've brainwashed alot of people, dude.

IF any of you disagree and still believe that there is, then you better convince me well that there is such a thing here on this land.

1 comment:

jen ® said...

i've gone thru the same, i feel you. once in a while we'll undergo such moment in life..