Thursday, July 24, 2008

I still feel like crap.

I feel normal, I'm healthy... I'm moving on , doing my job...loving it even though sometimes the project is a little messed up, hang out with...well, with some people, play games to forget things...

But why do I feel like crap? Why is it that I don't have the mood for anything? All I'm doing is pretending to smile and laugh. But every time I sit in the train and look outside of the window... I somehow feel lost, like I don't even know what I'm doing. Don't even know what I'm supposed to do. What's my goal now anyway? Even after talking to some of the people I know about my problem... it's still not good enough, somehow... I need a real reason to why I'm here. Religion can't help me in this because I already know what they are going to tell me the same old crap.

But it is true about one thing, it's so difficult to forget... and I hate pretending that it's okay, I hate lying about it. But it's the only way to shut some people's mouth from asking me the same annoying question. I'm so frustrated...I don't even know what I want now.. just because of one single event, a prophecy that came road crumbles and end up to a dead end.

I hate being alone...I hate being stuck and left behind, I hate to be forgotten. I just feel like returning to my grave because I feel like I don't exist reason. Why God....why did u take my happiness away? Why have u lead me to a wall? why...did u crippled my black wings?

Am I being hated so much?

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